Saturday, March 31, 2012

One of the joy's of pregnancy for me is the ability to actually take a nap. Last night I fell asleep around 6 pm and woke up around 8pm. It was glorious. I was totally confused and stupid when I awoke. Two signs of an awesome nap. What is NOT so awesome is napping so late in the day and then tossing and turning the entire night because you are no where NEAR tired. Along with late naps, I also don't recommend watching a Dog the Bounty Hunter marathon because during the little sleep I DID get, I was a fugitive on the run....and Leland was not chasing me so really what is the point of allllll that? Not to mention, my cat Oliver was being extra shit heady from about 5 am till when he forced me to wake up at 8. SOOOOO I am feeling pretty moody today. GRRRRRRRRRRRR! Oh and did I mention I didn't win the Mega Millions so now I have to go back to work on Sunday? What kinda shit is that?! Okay, rant OVER. 


I mentioned a couple days ago how I felt Eli move for the first time :) Well the last couple days were pretty uneventful. And if you know me AT ALL I went on a total freak out and googled the hell out of "baby movement 2nd trimester". I learned what I already knew....if you are super busy when your baby is active then you probably won't notice the movement. Also, baby sleeps...just like us. So not to worry, Sara. Yea right. Last night I was determined to make Eli move so I placed Terry's headphones to my belly and blasted some Coheed. It worked! Terry said "maybe he doesn't like Coheed" but CLEARLY that entire statement is all sorts of wrong and was quickly shut down. Really? REALLY? How DARE he! Baby hearts Coheed and Cambria!!!


Another thing I wanted to mention is how HUGE i'm getting. It is happening so fast!!! And the stranger part of this is that I'm actually ALMOST okay with the weight gain. Even though it would appear my arms are pregnant with little fat babies growing in them. And for the first time in probably NEVER my legs touch. Meaty thighs! I had hoped some of the chunk would go to my butt, BUT nope. Still flat with a crack. No fairs. 
I know it sounds like I'm not okay with all the changes, but I pretty much am. I was terrified of getting pregnant for a very long time because of the weight gain. I even convinced myself that I would never have a baby just because I didn't want my body to go to shit. Then 28 rolled around, that clock started ticking VERY LOUDLY and I went totally goo goo ga ga baby crazy. Working at Whole Foods, constantly being surrounded by a sea of baby cuteness did not help. And of course after I was married, having a baby was ALL I could think about. But the weight gain still freaked me out. Having struggled with eating disorders since I was a little girl, I had every reason to be terrified of getting fat. But now I don't look at it like i'm "getting fat". I'm growing a freaking human being! And he needs me to feed myself and feed him. So that is what I am doing. Boy is Eli hungry :) 
So now I have a protective layer of chunk that I'm storing for when I nurse. I finally have energy again so I make a point to go on walks everyday I can. I try to make healthy choices, but sometimes a girl needs pizza and a milkshake! Fried pickles for breakfast? SURE! I'm doing the best I can, and I know this. I refuse to beat myself up,and give myself a hard time for gaining weight and indulging here and there. I have spent my entire life doing JUST THAT. I have always unhappy with the way I look. I have been my own worst enemy and treated my body terribly. I have tortured myself long enough. And for the greater good, I'm not doing that ANYMORE. For the first time in my life I am REALLY taking care of myself. And for now I take GREAT comfort in the fact that I am still wearing smalls. Even if they are maternity smalls :)  



1 comment:

  1. You're a big silly goober! You make me laugh. Also, my thighs have ALWAYS touched and, trust me, te grass is always greener cuz I've always been embarrassed about them! I'm glad you're taking good care of yourself and feeling great!! The little guacamole needs you to be healthy, and positive feelings and thoughts are one of the healthiest things you can have in your life!

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