I've decided to start a blog to keep everyone updated on our little Eli and his bubblegum journey. A lot of you already may know but for those that don't, here is a recap of this week 3/19/2012 thus far:
We went in on Monday for our anatomy scan and found out we are having a boy! Much to my surprise! I thought for SURE I had a little girl growing inside my belly. NOPE! It's a boy! Okay....a boy. Alright! We are having a boy :) And his name is Eli Patrick :) Our excitement and joy was quickly overshadowed by some other less awesome news. It appeared the Eli had a spot on his cerebellum, and Dr. Nathan was concerned it could be Dandy Walker Syndrome. This syndrome effects the developmental part of the brain and comes with a spectrum of problems. Varying from no symptoms at all to totally debilitating. Dr. Nathan advised us not to do any research on our own, he made sure we knew that this was just a possibility and not for certain. I asked him if this was something I had done? Had I done this to my child? And the answer was "Absolutely not. If this is Dandy Walker this is simply a case of bad, bad luck". I guess that made me feel better? I just wanted answers. WE wanted answers. So to gain more insight into what Dr.Nathan was seeing he wanted us to schedule another ultrasound on Wednesday morning at Northside so his partner could take a look. My heart was broken. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. 
The next day and a half were torture. We kept busy with situating the new house, running errands, trying to work....which i failed at miserably, going on walks, and a lot of facebooking! We received so much support, thoughts, love, prayers, healthy vibes and inspiration through facebook and that has been truly amazing. 
Anyways....Wednesday morning came and we were on pins and needles. The past day and a half I tried to remain positive but wanted to be prepared for the worst. It is a terrible space to be in. I felt like I was in limbo, and the only thing to be was crying or numb. So when the day finally came I just shut down, had prayers on repeat and kept my hands on my belly sending healthy loving thoughts and vibes to Eli. 
We were called back and placed in a FREEZING room. It felt so clinical and made me so nervous. But the staff was amazing and made me as comfortable as possible. Dr. Nathan came in with the other doctor who I can't remember his name. This doctor is THE radiologist at Northside and head of all cranial scans of babies at the Womens Center. So, I felt like I was in amazing hands. They started the ultrasound and everything else looked perfect except the area of the brain in question. But today Eli was in a different position which gave them a totally different view. Laying there I tried to make sense of what I was seeing, which only freaked me out because everything looks weird. I told myself "YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR! SO STOP IT!" and I did. I just watched and listened to the two doctors conversation. The minute I heard "this is not typical of Dandy Walker" the tears started. I felt Terry's hand in mine, looked back at him and we smiled. A sense of relief washed over me and a calmness surrounded my heart. I just had a feeling that whatever this is, we can get through it. And my baby is going to be okay in the end.
So, what they saw was not Dandy Walker. It appeared to be a cyst. Not on the brain. But somewhere in between the brain and skull, just below the cerebellum. The cyst is a typical meaning its not common. In fact, Dr. Nathan is totally unsure what kind of cyst this is. It truly is not something they have ever really seen. And the next step for us is an MRI of Eli in utero. Then we will see a neurosurgeon to discuss all the possibilities....Eli may need surgery after he is born to drain the cyst or remove it completely. This cyst may go away. It may grow and put pressure on the brain. We just don't know. We don't know anything. Fear of the unknown is the hardest and most terrifying part. If Dr. Nathan said "Well we think it's this, and be prepared for this, this and this" then at least I would have some information. But they can't tell me anything, I can't prepare for what we don't have answers to. It is absolutely terrifying. I can't describe how powerless I feel knowing my little boy is growing inside me, there is something wrong, they don't know what it is....and there is nothing I can do but wait. 
We got home and I renamed the cyst bubblegum. It sounds so much nicer. Eli has a piece of bubblegum in his head, by his brain. That is why they tell you "don't swallow your gum!" It could get stuck in your babies head! If anyone knows me AT ALL, you know I use humor to get through all my shit. So that is what I have decided to do. Make this about a funny piece of bubblegum. Hence, the bubblegum journey of Eli :) 
ANYWAYS!!! (jeez i start and i just can't stop!!!)
All of this was sinking in and I felt okay, or thought I felt okay. Then my regular OB, Dr. Kelley, called me to check in. He and Dr. Nathan had been playing phone tag the last couple days and he JUST found out about our situation. He assured me we were in the best hands possible, told me to "buckle in girl, you are about to be on a roller coaster". Dr. Kelley is a very animated man and even though I knew all the things he was telling me, the bewilderment in his voice was scary. I asked him to help me make sense of this, and he couldn't because "Sara, I don't think they even know what they are dealing with. They just don't know." I told him about the cysts I had heard about that come and go on little babies brains and he clarified what those cysts were and this is NOT that. Again, they don't know what it is. He assured me that the team of specialist that had been and were being assigned to us were the best of the best. He told me that never in his career had he heard of a baby getting a MRI in utero. It blew his mind. Which blew MY mind! I know he was trying to express that what these doctors are doing for us is above and beyond any call of duty he has ever seen, but it still freaked me out! I called my mom, called my husband, vented to co workers. Nothing anyone could or can say can make me feel any better. Not till I know what is wrong with my son. 
So. We have another ultrasound scheduled with Dr. Nathan on the 8th, I see Dr. Kelley on the 9th. The MRI has not been scheduled yet, but Dr. Nathan is working on all that. I'll probably call next week just to check in and see where we are at. 
I feel blessed to have the doctors I do. I really feel so taken care of right now. I truly believe they are going to find out what this bubblegum is, why it is there, and do everything in their power to keep my baby safe and healthy. I KNOW THIS. I know that they will be with us every step of the way. I don't feel like a number. I feel like these are MY doctors and they only work for ME. That is a great feeling. I take comfort in this. I have to. Or i'll drive myself, and my amazing husband insane. 

Well. I hope this made sense! I apologize if it did not. I have baby brain :)